His heart never started truly beating until he met her. He remembers the first time his eyes laid on her; the dimpled cheeks, the fiery life that hid behind her eyes, the golden shower that was her hair, it was all a perfect unity, no match made better in the whole universe. He was hers from that very moment on, and after a while, she became his as well. But now...now they both had nothing.
Desmond sat on his bed, dressed in a black suit, tie half undone, he had a picture of them gripped in one hand, it had been taken in a park they visited once; the sun was shining, the green grass was full and healthy, and on their faces were smiles that could outshine the world, now, it was only a memory, a fading remnant which he could never hope to possess again. No matter how much he might want to, or how much he would want that love to be held again, in this life, nothing could be taken back.
He remembers those late nights talking about each other's pasts, about their feelings and slowly breaking down their walls, unguarding themselves from all possible pain, they were true to each other, and Desmond had never felt anything like it before in his entire life. Before he was always putting on some type of facade in front of people, acting like somebody he wasn’t. But with her...that was all taken away.
And the bad parts of himself were uncovered before long, he drank a lot, to get away from his pain, to escape from his past, but even though she saw this shadow lurking inside of him, damaging all that was good she stuck by him, for some strange reason, she always stood by him.
Desmond remembers one night when they were together, embraced in each other’s arms he said to her, ‘I hope this moment lasts forever, ’ She smoothed his hair back, a sad smile on her lips, ‘You know that can’t happen, Desmond, but that’s what makes this so special, we can’t ever get it back, ever.’
Desmond didn’t truly understand what she meant until now until she was taken away from him. His heart yearned for the past, to have those moments once more. He didn’t appreciate them enough when he was in them, and if he had one wish he would spend just one more day with her, one more, that’s all he needed, just to tell her how much he loved her, how much he needed her.
But she was gone, and he was left behind, on the brink of insanity and despair. She always made him feel safe, whenever she was around, and even when she wasn’t around, just knowing she was out there, waiting for him or he waiting for her, was all Desmond needed. But now he didn’t even have that, instead, he had a grave to visit, with her full name written on the tombstone.
He wanted to cry, he wanted to curse God for taking her away, for being so selfish and arrogant, he wanted to jump off a building to hinder the pain that flowed through his veins, and in the end, he just wanted her back. There was nothing he could compare this need, not even if he looked past all his desires in his entire life, he wished death wasn’t real, and that all lived forever in complete happiness and love.
But that thought brought back something she said to him once, they were sitting in a park, talking about life and its many workings, the topic of love came up, and she said, ‘What is love without death?’, Desmond remembers smiling. ‘Complete bliss,’ but she frowned, shaking her head a little, ‘I don’t think so. I think...I think there can’t be love without death, death is the only reason why we love, without death, we don’t have to motivation to do it.’
And maybe she was right in the end, but Desmond couldn’t find much solace or comfort in believing that love could not live without death, because she was gone, forever. She would smile at him in that way of hers, or press her lips against his and whisper in his ear, ‘I love you’, he could only visit those moments in his memories, and memories tended to fade away and grow gray with time.
That’s why Desmond couldn’t stop staring at the picture in his hand, he couldn’t believe how smug he looked, how happy and arrogant, he should have been worshipping her, making the most out of every moment he got to spend with her, but now...now he couldn’t do anything, he could only wallow in pain.
Because who would stand by his side now, who would be the one that would keep him sane when life was getting tough, who would be the one who would see the light inside of him, a light even he couldn’t see, nobody, that’s who, that’s what he knew, above all else, there would be nobody like her, he knew that. He loved her utterly and completely, and he would never be able to open himself up like that to anyone else. She was his one and only, and now he would just have to suffer that.
But he was marked for death as well. He would meet her someday if an afterlife existed, but Desmond knew he would never again view death as a horrible atrocity, he would instead welcome it as an old friend. It took away the love of his life, but he had to admit that without Death, there is no such thing as Love, and so he thanked Death for giving him the opportunity to let him love so much in such little time, and, when the time came, he would gladly let it take him away as well...
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